Many have asked God to move my heart to write….Many have asked me to begin to post my writings on here and I have not…..I choose today, the 22nd to obediently answer the call. It was the 22nd of the month that my husband went home to heaven and the 22nd will always be a special day to me. This post is in honor of all the changes that have taken place in my life since his death….Thank you to all that have believed in me and stood beside me through the changes and thank you to those that have been the catalysts in my life for changes I did not even know I desired which have been the best parts of my entire life and most of all…..Thank You Jesus for Your Hand that guides and directs us as You mold and shape us and work ALL things together for good according to Your Plans and Purposes…Amen
The Wind of the Holy Spirit hit me today….It was so powerful it took my breath away…..It was as if in the flash of a moment I realized just how much I have changed and how faithful God has been to continue to transform me and mold me and shape me in spite of my whining and complaining and asking Him for shortcuts in order to avoid some of the painful parts of the process of living on the Masters Potters Wheel of transformation all these years.
You see, I am one of those over achiever type personalities, used to always have to get an A on the test and to me most of life was about proving to others that I was good enough or strong enough or capable enough to be loved and accepted. I had little or no sense of worth in who I was without the approval of others. I had been known in the past to be a workaholic and to be demanding of others and to not be very compassionate or understanding. Oh how painful it is to write these words and know that they are truth. How grateful I am for the Masters Potters Wheel of transformation and change.
For years I was successful at most everything I tried in spite of my attitude of pride and self righteousness and expectations of others to perform according to what worked best for me. I really did not know any better. I think it was only because my heart was to help others and God knew that and honored my hearts intentions that He allowed me to succeed for so long before I fell on my face, but that is only my best guess. Of course only God knows the answers to our whines of why and how come. His word says He knows our hearts and it is our Heart that He cares about and that we cannot hide anything from Him. Ouch….
During those years before I received Christ and for quite some time after I had high expectations for others to do what was right and would get very bent out of shape when they did not. I can still struggle with that one but am learning to give the kind of grace that I have been given. Whew, if that isn’t humbling! I have received so much Grace myself there is no way I could ever give that much grace back to others.
For longer than I would like to admit I didn’t know what love was and gave my heart without reservation to others and allowed myself to be abused. I got wounded and hurt over and over again and yet continued to put myself in situations that were not best for me. I am so very thankful to say that surrendering to the process of transformation on the Masters Potters Wheel has helped me learn to stand up for myself and to set boundaries for how I will allow others to treat me and to give grace and forgiveness without sacrificing my self worth.
I know there are people that I hurt during those years that I have not been able to apologize to and yet I trust that God will give me opportunity to do that if it be in His plan for me to do that and I know I have to forgive myself and accept that God’s Grace is sufficient to cover my sins.
Recently God gave me a gift of forgiveness towards a man that I did not realize I was still so angry with who hurt me deeply when we were young and then gave me an apology from him that moved my soul in ways I cannot even begin to describe. Without the Masters Potters Wheel working in each of our lives that would not have been possible. I am overwhelmed by the ways our Master Creator works and the way He aligns time and circumstance to accomplish His will in our lives.
When I accepted Christ as my Savior my life began to fell apart and everything that I used to be good at didn’t work anymore for me. I really had no idea of what was happening to me but as I look back now I see a picture that is so vivid and clear. I was humbled to the point of no longer being able to manage my life on my own and I surrendered and yielded to God and He put me on His Potters Wheel and began to do what only God can do. He began the painful process of transformation ….He began to change my heart and its desires and bring my heart and mind and soul into alignment with Him and His Holy Word.
I wish I could say that the process is complete…..Thankfully, God has not given up on me and continues to refine and mold me that I might conform more closely to the image that He wants to see in me….HIM….
He has had me on that wheel reshaping and molding me for many years and still there is much so much work to do….
I have come to realize that there is no destination of completion and I will not get to see the grade on my test until I come home to be with Him in Heaven. Life is a journey is a cliche that has been repeated over and over and over again to me and yet I still seem to wind up trying to find a way to get to the destination with as little disruption and pain as possible..After my husband passed away my destination was to get married again…It has been six years and that has not happened yet and does not seem to be in the picture anytime soon….Perhaps part of what He has been reshaping in me is the desire for that and I would have to say that He has been successful in doing so, for it is no longer the driving force in my life that it used to be..I am now content in ways I have never been before….Daily I must yield and surrender and rest and trust in the process and let Him use me when He desires even when I do not feel adequate or complete enough to do so….
I smile as I think back through the years. I am so grateful for the gift of humor and being able to laugh at myself and not be ashamed of who I am or who I used to be. Being an over achiever type A personality, I thought there was a formula I could find and follow and together with Christ we could have me all reshaped and molded in no time.
I wouldn’t need that much time on the Potters Wheel, I will get this right and get it right quick. I thought there had to be a key to find and certainly I would find it and then open the treasure box of the answer to becoming conformed to the image of Christ as quickly as possible. I’m not one that would desire to cheat, although I had resorted to that in the past, but it was in my nature to be smart and find the quickest route so I could achieve the desired result and be loved and accepted and get an A on the test.!
Well, as you might be able to imagine or perhaps as you read this you can relate and see how important it might be to God that these attitudes would need adjustment and that adversity and suffering would work really well as a tool to use on the prideful pot that I was and can still be.
I smile and laugh as I write this but unfortunately it is no joke, it is the truth of how I perceived the process of becoming Christlike to be. I have learned through the pain of trials and suffering and falling short of my own expectations that it is a gradual process to grow and change and be transformed and that Christ died that I might be forgiven for my imperfections and that I might receive the Grace and Peace that only He can give. I am continually having to surrender to that truth and I continue to have the dizzy spells that come from spinning around on the Potters Wheel as God molds and shapes my character with trials and difficulties and disappointments and failures that I know I sometimes bring on myself because of my stubbornness and tendency to try and do things my own way.
I am learning to listen to the wisdom of others, even those I would not expect to be the vessel to deliver it. God sometimes uses my young son to speak truth to me and just yesterday he said…Mom, you don’t have to be perfect, no one is perfect…..Don’t be so hard on yourself, don’t beat yourself up. He is only 9, but oh so wise about life. He has been through a lot and seen a lot that has made him wiser than his years.
I wonder how many of us miss the wisdom that we could gain if we would but listen….. What would we gain if we would but listen to the words of the ones that God sends to whisper to our hearts His messages of truth even those that are not from a source we would expect?
I am thankful and grateful that God is so gracious as He lovingly and yet firmly molds our character and reworks those parts of us that do not serve Him best and sends messages of His truths and His love and His Grace to us through others that He puts in our lives.
Today was a day where I realized through a Texting Marathon that I had yesterday with someone just how much God loves His children and just how far He will go to witness His love. Again the wisdom came to me through an unexpected source, one that I would have thought in my own understanding would have no right or authority to speak into my life after all that had happened..I was and am humbled by how wrong I was…..The Holy Spirit moved in a place deep in my heart where I was holding on to some things and moved my heart to forgive at a deeper level, encouraged me with answers to questions I had no answers for and gave me Grace and forgiveness to give back. I am humbled, humbled indeed.
It occurs to me that we should all be grateful, oh so grateful for the ability to extend Grace and forgiveness to others as they are being shaped and molded by the hand of God on their own Potters Wheel. We don’t have to understand, it does not have to make sense to us. We just need to trust that God is at work in ALL things in our lives. We belong to Him and just as He is shaping and molding us so He is shaping and molding our friends and family members and even strangers we have not met yet.
I am reminded that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD and that one day we will all stand before our Creator and give an account. God will make all things right in the end, so we don’t need to spend our time worrying about that or trying to make things happen that are not meant to be.
What will He say to each of us about our time here on earth? What will He say to me? The gifts He gives to us, the changes He makes in us are for His Glory and His Purposes, did we accept them and did we use them to the best of our ability?
As the wind of the Holy Spirit hit me with all these thoughts I realized with a piercing sensation in my heart…..God has changed me that I might in turn help others become brave enough and humble enough to allow themselves to surrender to God and let God change them. He has prepared a Masters Potters Wheel for each of us. We don’t have to worry about doing the work, we just need to listen for His whispers for our hearts and respond to His voice when He calls on us to act or speak on behalf of Him……..
Lord God we humble ourselves before you and we ask that You would forgive us for thinking mostly of ourselves and our own comfort rather than thinking that we have been crafted by You on the Potters Wheel with purpose and intent and that the things you have crafted us for may not be comfortable for us right now but will one day become just part of who we are and they will be comfortable to us then. Expand our territory in ways that challenge us and help us grow in our walk with you. Spin us on that Potters Wheel and make us BEAUTIFUL in Your sight and not our own. Open our hearts to hear Your voice whisper to our hearts that we might use what You have done in our hearts on Your Potters Wheel to Honor and Glorify You…In Jesus name….Amen